Busse Woods (Day 29)
So two nights ago i ran an exhilarating 7-mile run through Busse Woods at 11:30 PM. It was one of those wild times where none of the usual SLOW people are out, although i saw some of those orange people i have been seeing lately... I think they run for Kock Lakes Running Team or something. Well on this night there weren't many runners out at all. The goal was to kick in a 5:15 clip type effort to prep for a Saturday Morning 5k race. I hit the first mile pretty hard at a 4:30 pace which felt good but i knew that i had to back down the effort based upon the lake effect coming from Lake Michigan into the Schaumburg area. Sometimes the lake effect severely speeds up my breathing and gives me leg pain as if i am overexerting myself and tonight was no different... Around mile two, i noticed what was one of many interesting things for the day. I saw a tea party going on in the forest.. and it just felt right. I would've joined in but i would never want to disturb a tea party as an uninvited guest.. Upon closer inspection, i realized that it was no dinner party at all but rather a homeless guy drinking a Four Lokos beverage (probably the fumes remaining from a can left on the ground) and he was having a discussion about politics with a squirrel. After hearing some of his points, i really didn't feel that Obama caused the Vietnam War and was hording oil in a Subaru Outback located in Austrailia, Middle East.. SO i moved on. i hit the next three miles at a 5:25 clip and was going smooth until i ran into a herd of moose. It seems like they some how got trapped behind some type of fencing... There were about 12 of them in what made probably the third best looking herd of moose i have ever seen in the last 3 years. I felt bad so i lifted the botttom of the fence up and started to let some of them out... Well one of them got his antler stuck in the fence and the others started moaning... I tried to lift the fence up further but could not... Then i realized that i had left my garmin on and my overall clip was slowing byt he second.. Well, i am pretty important and i gotta finish the run so i took off.. Besides, the moose got himself into this mess and could probably get himself out of it. He is an adult. He should probably get a job while he's at it too... Anyways, i ended up finishing the run in 38:00 and didn't really feel all too bad. I had run 20 miles earlier that day so this was a good effort pre-5k race.
Day 30: Recovery Run
I ran 16 miles of recovery run at a 6:34 clip. I am not really sure what else to write about this. I wore tights and stuff. I ate a bagel, it was sesame seeded and i used nutella spread. I love Nutella spread. it is pretty cocoa-ey and really makes for an excellent topping.. I talked with some friends and they also use Nutella spread. Oh, i also wanted to mention that i ran this run in a pair of Saucony brand running shoes.
Day 31: The Race
Today i had signed up for my first 5k race of the season. The race was pretty huge and i heard a lot of people like Ryan Hall were going to be there... The race was called "The St. Josaphat Church Fun Run to Raise Awareness About Africa And Stuff" so i knew it was a super important date on the racing calendar... As usual, i arrived at the place exactly three hours prior to race time.
I immediately talked to the race director when i got there to discuss the logistics of my Elite Starting Corral and what types of foods & accomodations i would need for the race, before and after. The race director was some guy named Dan and he had no idea i was going to be here. Geez! Fricking SLOW amateurs... I told him that i sent an e-mail with my demand list and request for comped entry months ago. he said he had thought it was a joke and that no one in their right mind would make such requests for a "fun run". I told him that there ain't nothing "fun" about my sweet running moves and how fast i am going to be at the finish line. i then said that my performance would probably inspire a nation and spike up registration for next year. You see, being fast is my business, and making money is the result.
He then told me that there were some bananas on a table somewhere and that i should find them somewhere in the opposite side of the room. I asked if they were Chiquita bananas because any other bananas would be the equivalent of crap! I don't think he heard me because he began walking away mid-sentence. oh well, at least i can potassium-up.
Well i got to the start line and i appeared to be the only one wearing racing spandex. There was also no Elite Corral. This was completely unacceptable but since it was the first race of the year, i was ok with it.. I guess. And then i didn't see Ryan Hall anywhere.. That is until this shoe salesman came up to me and asked me if i thought i was gonna break 20. i told him that he was clearly too SLOW to speak to me and that he should leave the Elite Corral which was now the 5 foot diameter surrounding me. I let out a pre-race fart and then the gun went off...
I immediately took the lead and was on pace for a 4:20 first mile. I looked around and there was no one in sight. Not even a person on the bike to lead this thing...... I followed some cone thingys and there were SLOW people at certain corners directing me where to go. I hit the first mile at a 4:36 and was still pretty alone. I looked around and could not find where my water bottle was gonna be placed. You see i gave Dan my water bottle which contained Natual Spring Water, HGH, Gatorade, Pig's Blood, Orphan tears (Sudanese orphans, they cry the best), and other race fluids... What the Eff? What gives? Well anyways, i wouldn't let this ruin my race. I turned around mile two and my clip slowed down to a 4:45 pace... There was still no one around. Some little boy was walking down the street and asked me what i was doing.. I told him that i could give him autographs later but right now i had a race to win.
I headed towards the final stretch... i could see the finish line. There was a clock but there were... no Volunteers? I crossed the finish in 14:37 and saw that there were no people around to take my time, record a result, congratulate me, tell me how awesome i was, hand me a post-race concoction or anything... I walked over to Dan and asked him what gives! he said that there were no official results because this was a "fun run". I asked him what the "f" was so fun about racing a 5k with no results... he looked confused and said that it was for charity and that it was good i donated. I should have known that when i was the only one on the starting line with my own personalized BIB that something was awry. I asked Dan what my award was for winning it and he said that it was the pride of knowing that people are more aware of Africa for my donations. I punched him in the face and took his clip board. This will serve as my reward. Well, i thought i had hit him hard but there didn't turn out to be a lot of blood. he started cursing and asking for people to joing him...what a good time for a cool down. So i decided to run a good 7 mile cooldown east of where this event took place. Ironically it was where my car was located.. I managed to escape but then i got a voicemail message saying that i was forever banned from the event. So what! No Spring Water, no results... who cares.
Overall, these past few days have been pretty good, but i need to step up my game. A 14:37 5k will win you a "fun run" but it won't get you anywhere with the ladies or pay your rent or buy you Kanye West CDs. Which reminds me, i need to find a lady to pay my rent and listen to Kanye West CDs with... If anyone knows of such a person, please forward their contact information, race times, and three letters of reccomendation my way.
Thanks!
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