But fear not, unlike those running against Rahm Emmanuel, I will not be giving up so easy. Now the smartest thing that you can do when drenched in a sea of illness is exercise, exercise, and exercise. The second smartest thing you can do is refrain from eating. You see, when the illness takes you, it limits the level of output your body can perform. Since you are not performing at an optimal level, you are not burning calories at an optimal level, so if you eat when you get sick you will become overweight and SLOW.
After a six mile recovery run at a 6:20 clip this morning, i decided i needed to go shoe shopping. Now there is no better place to buy shoes than my favorite running shoe store in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, Kock Lake. I walked into the store and immediately the salesman greeted me. He asked me how much i was willing to spend today.. I told him that i only had about $100 remaining in my checking account from my sponsor. He said that he could sell me something for that amount. he then asked if he could observe my gait. I told him that i was a professional runner and that his careful observance of my "gait" as he put it would be nothing short of mere adulation and possible stalking. "Fair Enough" he replied and we proceeded to walk over to the shoe racks. Now there were some other runners in the store at the same time as me... They looked like they were very SLOW and just returned from a run.. Many of them were wearing weird colors like orange or green. It made me laugh... Don't these fools realized that one should only wear black running clothes because they do not reflect light? When you are running and you are reflecting light, it really slows down your pace and results in an 8% downgrade to your overall performance. Idiots...
Anyways, the salesman then asked me what kind of arch i had in my foot. I slapped him in the face and told him how that was a very personal question and how uncomfortable i would be with answering that... Just as he was about to walk away and tell his boss, i told him that i wanted the new pair of Sauconys. I said that not only are Saucony's a high performing running shoe but it was also a trusted name in the market. Saucony offers a wide variety of shoes for every kind of runner big or tall, fat or small, man or woman, normal or canadien. They offer road flats, track spikes, minimalist shoes, trainers, and even cross-breeds like the Kinvara or Mirage which offer the same support as a trainer but also the unique lightweight feel of a road flat. Saucony shoes are also a way to improve your life. I find that when i approach women in a brand new pair of Sauconys, they take to my compliments better and let me buy them stuff. I also noticed that when i slipped on a pair of Saucony brand running shoes, the size of a certain part of my anatomy, was approximately 5.85% larger than what it was before. i also noticed that when i was running in a pair of Saucony brand running shoes once that i was able to bench press 1,000 pounds, rescue a lady from a burning building, throw cars high into the air and deep across the ocean, become a five star general in the National Guard, sink an NBA style three point basket, get an autograph from Lebron James, and eat my own weight in Papa John's pizza. I also find that whilst wearing my Saucony brand running shoes, i am able to give people better directions and offer my friends better love advice.
Now after i purchased my pair of Saucony running shoes from Kock Lakes in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, IL, i couldn't help but notice that my bank account was run dry. I felt sad, but then decided that hey, i have a pair of Saucony brand running shoes on, and went for a run. Not even five hours into the run did i find a $20 bill on the street. That, my SLOW friends, is what we call "ROI" in the business...
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