First of all, the Super Fast Elite Chicago Racing Team of Chicago (SFECRTC) is up and running. We have had many inquiry since officially announcing our existence and try outs last week. However, this is not the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT but i would like to say that I am a bit disappointed with the level of quality in our applications. We had some guy named Peter apply who did not meet any of our criteria as he definitely was NOT physically or mentally superior to any other runners let alone himself. However, he jogged a 2:50-something marathon in Grand Rapids or something and I felt that it entitled him to become Captain of our water support team for the runners. See, SLOW people can make a difference when it comes to thirst and satisfying the nutrition needs of actual real runners. There was some dude named Brendona who applied too. His times were no where close to those of people who are good enough to cool down with me. I wish he didn't include instagrams of his gps watch verifying that he is SLOW. I also wish he didn't send me naked pictures of himself... This is not that type of running club... He should use jdate or something for that type of action. Anyways, i may not have any members yet but this club will grow. Who doesn't want to be ELITE and get free stuff?
I found a new coach! However, this is NOT the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT so stay tuned for more on that. its true... I found this guy on Craigslist in the casual encounters section. . How did he know that my quads are my favorite muscle? I had to engage him as i figured he wanted to be my coach. I mean, why else would anyone make a comment like that? So i gave him a call and figured i would check him out.
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/mis/4298682883.html
His name is Juan Sisterino and he lives in Logan Square. Luckily for him, that is a neighborhood of Chicago located only 24 miles from my studio apartment... So i arranged for him to meet me at some park in 2 hours because that would be ample time for me to run there. So i laced up my Saucony brand running shoes. They were red and fierce and had an 8mm drop. The backs of them made a statement like "I win" and "You lose". They were lightweight but provided ample support... Anyways, i started off at a 5:20 mile which i believe is a z2/87.5AG x2.3 type of run. I was able to maintain this pace for at least 10 nautical miles. After that i made a left turn onto this random street that said "Forest" and picked it up from there.. I mean, it looked familiar and that is the name of a movie so i knew it wouldn't be a bad idea... Well, my watch was manually ticking off miles every 5:30 meaning that my pace slowed considerably.. My watch read 2:04 which meant that i had gone at least 22 miles and was no where near where i wanted to be... I saw a train station ahead of me and there were some blue coloring around it so i figured i was getting close.. As i approached the train station, i noticed that the blue coloring was a tagged gang symbol and not representative of the type of Illinois Metra train system at all. Around the spray paint was a group of young men in leather jackets with neat blue hankerchief hats and blue shirts. They were diverse in that there were members of the African American, Latin American, Asian American, and Caucasion American communities there. There were about 8 of them, so i figured i would ask them if I was in Logan Square. As I approached, one of them threw a spray can at me and it hit me in the head. Crap! That really hurt... but that guy was only kidding. Haha! I love jokes, so i walked closer and noticed that they were starting to circle me.> One guy ran in and gave me a pat on my stomach. Only i don't think he knew the power of his strength because it hurt even more than the spray can and nearly took the air out of me. I fell the ground.. I noticed something red dripping onto the ground. Oh, my God! Is that ketchup? Crap... that is my nutrition pack i was suppposed to take after mile 24! I can't eat that now and this jerk ruined it... I tried to stand up when another extended his leg into my stomach? Ouch! and why are these guys focused on my sexy abs?? it was at that moment when i noticed that my ketchup packet was fully intact in the middle of the underwear of my shorts. Oh no.. that means... "BLOODS! BLOODS! I SEE BLOODS!" i screamed aloud as it was protruding from my head.. All of a sudden the young men starting running off in the distance and said they were going to get back up... back up? But they were never down, how could they get back up? From what? Stupid teenagers.... So seeing as my ketchup packet was intact, i continued running until I was far enough away.
Good thing was i found Fullerton a few miles down. Unfortunately, i was not able to stop my watch during that whole ordeal and now it will seem like i was actaully running during the entire time. That sucks even more than the stomach ache. People are going to think i am SLOW! I am not a SLOW guy.. If I were i would go join the parade with that Brendon dude who seems to think that his mediocrity should be worshiped or something... Crap! I figured it out. I lost 2 minutes... Ugh! Well, i finally made a right onto Pulaski and then onto ARmitage and made it to Mozart park to meet Juan Sisterino.... Boy was he mad! It took me 2 hours and 10 minutes to run that 24-miles... Well, it actually took me 2 hours and 12 minutes when you include the time i spent hanging out with those blue guys. Crap! He was soo mad... but then he approached me. I asked him if he was Juan and he said yes... He kept staring at me and really studying my running physique. Then he kept looking at my shorts area. He asked me if i got done running... Um, yes! What a moron? What else would i have been doing? He then asked if i was ok and pointed at this red stain near my crotch area. Oh no! My ketchup packet... What will i eat now to replenish all of those carbs i burned? I said that i was ok and that it was only ketchup... At that point he got closer to me and was really insistent on cleaning me up. He even said it would be ok for me to remove my shorts so he could clean them for me. i told him that i am ok and would really rather focus on the workout he had planned... He said that the only workout he could think of was indoors at his apartment. Um, what would he mean? We are at a park... I could do wind sprints, we could do fartleks, we could do repeat 1000s... Why would we need his bedroom? I appreciate his progressive approach to running but i was starting to think that this guy is not the type of coach that i need. It was at that moment when i felt his hand on my ketchup packet... So i ran! This is not going to be my coach! He tried to chase me but unfortunately he is one of the millions of Americans who suffer from SLOW disease and he would not catch up. First he wanted to limit my running productivity by taking me to his room. AND Then he was SOOO greedy that he wanted to steal my race nutrition. Screw that guy! Last time i turn to a free internet forum for a free coach.
I jogged a 6:10/mile clip the rest of the way... Didn't really plan on a cool down like that as i was hoping my new coach would have access to transportation and could have driven me home as well as been able to drive me to and from different marketing events around Chicago at all hours. When i got home, i saw a weird dude in his car wearing a singlet and with very hairy shoulders and back. It was Brendon. He asked if i got his application. "NOT NOW BRENDON" . Jeez! What was this guy's problem? I saw his times.. he ran like a 16:02 at some halloween race last year. I didn't have to look at anything else on his Athlinks.. He is not SFECRTC material.. I told him to go away and go run or something. He could use the training... i told him if he runs a 14:59 in a 5k in the next two months, i will reconsider. He said thanks and drove off. Quite peculiar as he seemed too happy. Oh well, at least he left me alone.
Ok, ok, i will get to the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. Thank you for waiting for this as this is huge! HERE IS MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: From now on, i will switch my recovery run day from every third Tuesday of the month to every Second Wednesday. Boom!
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