Even as the librarian kept mentioning that my time was up, i couldn't help but shush her back. After all, I am the next world champion and on the verge to become world champion again! Nothing will prevent me from hitting this goal, not even a 60-minute time limit at a workstation at the library. Some fat and SLOW guy in a Weezer t-shirt kept staring at me and expecting the librarian to immediately kick me off. How pathetic. That must be why SLOW people stay SLOW. They expect others to run fast for them. Not me... and you know what, i got my 63 minutes of watching the "RUSH" movie preview so screw them. I am going to run.. its time to run.
When i went home, i opened up my closet which is a shrine dedicated to my hatred of all things Ryan Hall. He is like the Nicki Lauda to my James Hunt. I will be champion and I will beat him. When i was fat in the hospitable, all i could do was think about all of the races he won without me being in them. I will not let that happen again! No, not this time!
Today was just a 10 mile run in the AM followed by a 10 mile run in the PM. A double double digit, yo. That is how i roll. I hit the first mile in a 5:30 which was fine as it was good to get the rust out from yesterday's shitbag of a run. Maintained pace in probably a Z3/Z4 pace around the 90 percentile age grade. As you are aware, i know the science of running. I am like a doctor. I don't gauge my runs through a garmin GPS watch.. Those things are for SLOW pussies. No, i just need a watch with lap splits. I know when we reach a mile... i know that distance. I've run so many that i can barely keep count. Well, i can.. 10,001,023 miles to be exact. Well i just hit mile 2, so you'd better make that 10,001,024 miles to be exact. I run because I am great and I am great because I will be the champion... The world has not even begun to see my fastness. Pow! Zoom! Its hard to create for the reader the scene or a demonstration of my running but those are noises that are generated from the quickness of my feet touching the ground. STRIKE! KUMPOW! I just took two more steps... then two more.. then one hundred more.. mile 3 and i hit it in 4:50 and i am feeling strong... Sometimes you just have to go and ignore the pain. You just have to run... like you are born to run. Born to run but not like a minimalist pussy who runs in Vibram footshoes because, guess what? Those are still fucking shoes? The only minimalism being applied when you buy those is a demonstration of your minimal manhood as well as your paying of a stupid person tax to minimalize your wallet... But i digress. KAPOW! My left quad stretches out to the heavens allowing my toes to strike BAM! I just hit miles 4, 5, and 6 at 4:55, 5:01, and 4:59 respectively. This isn't a fast run by any means, but it is still getting the job done. BABOOM! KAZAM! BALOOONS! Just nailed miles 7, 8 & 9 in 5:02, 5:02, and 5:03... and I am feeling strong. The only signs of tiredness are the barely visible red lines in my eyeballs, the heavy breathing from my lungs and the fact that i just landed headfirst into a squirrel nest which conveniently laid before me in a bush ahead... I get up. I must get up and finish what i started... SHAKOCKA! Just nailed mile 10 in 4:50. That's right! Negative split bitches! Eat crow, Ryan Hall... You did not win this battle today. Tweet that and an oatmeal pancake.
As i sipped on my recovery shake which consists of two burger king ketchup packets, some sweet & low sugar, and a taco bell fire sauce packet all mixed in with some rain water i collected in an old boot outside of my studio apartment. I couldn't help but just bask in this greatness. My greatness. So what if i could barely break 50:00 for a 10-miler today which any SLOW person could do... It didn't matter because in 4 years or however long the 2016 Olympics are. I will be standing at the podium wearing a giant GOLD medal. Everyone will be staring at me knowing that i am the best in the world. All of my haters, all of my doubters, and ESPECIALLY that pussy Ryan Hall will just have to stand there and watch... and that is when i will finally achieve my life's goal. After I post my 1:44 marathon, no one will be able to stop me. I will become President of the United Estados of America... I will then become President of GE and i'll drive a Buick. I will be the richest and most celebrated man in America. Yes, friends. This will happen so you'd better make sure you support me now.... and make sure you buy Saucony brand running clothes and shoes (Please sponsor me, need money and running gear).
Well, i am going to take a nap... Then its on for 10 miler #2. And you'd better believe it will be even faster and even harder. SHAKOCKA!
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