Day Thirteen: T-W-R spells Fail!

I can't believe I am nearing nearly two weeks of solid marathon training.  And not just the walk by the lakeshore type of training that SLOW people do. Only they jogwalk in groups of thirty five on the small lakeshore path and complain when other people use the trail.  The worst part is, when i yell "TRACK" they always scatter like a bunch of pigeons in every which way direction so i end up with a mile split like three seconds slower than my target clip.  Anyways, I fortunately do not have to run the lakeshore path til the summer time when i can just be one with nature in God's perfect running outfit:  Compression Socks, Compression Shorts and my lucky cleveland marathon "Gel Refueling Dispenser Station" which goes around my waste and can hold up to 14 gel packs.

After this morning's run (which was a 5-mile run at a 6:00 clip - RECOVERY SLOW), I decided to pick up an i-Phone so that i could use its functions to better track my mileage and chat with other runners.  I went to the Apple Store in the mall and immediately the sales staff assisted me.  They were very helpful because not only did they make sure I bought my i-phone for $700 but they made sure I protected my investment with a $500/year insurance plan to cover damages to it, should they occur (excluding water, cracks, battery usage, overtexting, and any act of God).  The sales person was also nice enough to make sure that i took care of my phone with three leather carrying cases which clip on my pants at $50/each (she said it would make me more attractive), two extra car chargers at $30/each (in case i lose one, i'll have a back-up), three home chargers (one for the bedroom, one for the tv room, and one for the bathroom) and then a second i-phone for $700, should my first iphone break and i need to use one while i wait for the insurance plan to replace it.  All in all, i think i got a sweet deal and am very excited to try the i-phone whilst running.

Well the other day when i was at the gym, i saw this very beautiful girl on the treadmill.  I totally analyzed her form and then gave her my analysis and some reccomendations on improvement when she finished.  She may have been out of breath but the way her eyes raised, I could tell she really appreciated it.  Now she only ran at 9.0 MPH for 30 minutes, but give her some time to work on being NOT SLOW and she would be very dateable.  Now I walked her down to the women's locker room because i am a gentlemen.  She must have been trying to race me there because she would speed up whenever i walked by her side.    Well she finally got in the locker room, and she had dropped her ID card.  Now I couldn't walk in there so i decided to wait until she got out.  After fifteen minutes, she returned and must have been surprised to see me as she jumped about five feet back.  She asked 'have you been standing there this whole time?" and it seemed as if she were reaching her hand back to pull out something from a holster on her side.  When i told her she dropped her card and handed it to her, she replied "How sweet?" and I said "No problem Andrea".  She was stunned and asked how i knew her name, and then i told her the card and she sighed... Then ran in a dead sprint towards the exit.  After she had left, i decided that she not only would need more of my guidance due to me being super fast but also would probably love for a FAST person to call her.  Especially a future gold medal olympian... So i went into the gym's membership database and got her phone number and home address.

Well fast forward to earlier tonight.  I programmed her number into my i-phone and set my garmin watch.  The goal tonight was to run outside for 6 miles at a steady 5:20 clip and text her advice whilst doing this which would make me the fastest texter of the southwest sector of Roselle, IL.  So I began the run and turned onto the main street and began texting...."Hello, how are yo.........." I was about to finish the text when i heard honking and then ending up jumping over the hood of a car.  What the hell!  Its bad enough that the weather conditions are harsh but what is this JERK doing driving all over my training grounds.  I was wearing my USA Olympic jacket i bought off ebay so people would know that an olympian is training in process and don't disturb him.  I got back to the run and looked at the watch and saw that i was at a 5:55 clip (thanks to the stupid car).  So i picked up the pace and saw a text from my future wife.  It read "???? Who the F is this???"  Hahahahaha!  I can't believe it, not only is she gorgeous but she has a sense of humor.  So i began texting "This is M-A-T......" when all of a sudden my footing felt funny and i looked up.  I couldn't avoid it!  I ran right into the front window of the general store on Main Street.  Luckily there was a stuffed bear in the window to break my fall.  But seriously, what JERKS!  Don't they think to place their store in an area more conducive to olympic marathon training.  You know what?  I plan on boycotting their products... and writing a letter to the Gazette in hopes that it will spread the news about how they try injuring runners.  Anyways, i brushed the glass off of my jacket, which had a growing red stain beginning to form on the shoulder..  Maybe its the colors of the flag running because the ink was such high quality?  Anyways, i moved on.  I got about another mile in and was soon at 3 miles going a 6:05 clip (Thanks to JERKS).  So I finished the text "This is Matt from the gym, the guy who anal......." When all of a sudden i ran into a snow bank, managed to do a back flip in the air and land face first on the front windshield of a car.  The worst of it was my i-phone landed on the street and shattered.  My shoulder kind of hurt but i knew the important thing to do was continue running and hit my target clip.  I started running away when i heard yelling in the distance.  it was the driver of the car that stopped my fall.  He must have been cheering me on.  Thank goodness for people like him because without his car, i would have fallen right onto the street and hurt myself.

I finally finished the run in 32:02 which is too slow to even age grade!  My shoulder was in pain and the red ink kept leaking and spreading all over the jacket.  Thank GOD I bought the second i-phone!  Anyways, i think it might be best to save my texting for when i am doing my deep thigh stretches as it Roselle was clearly not built for running and texting.