Day Nine: Golden Days of Recovery

Today i just ran a recovery run in the morning to help my body heal from all of the work i have been putting in.  I ran for a total of 10 miles in 62 minutes.  And oh boy, do i feel refreshed!  For all those beginners out there, you should probably only take a recovery day once every 2 months (not day off, just light running.  maybe 9 miles at a 7:00 pace).  When you get advanced like me, then you can rest a little more frequently but by rest i mean limit your mileage for the day to a maximum of 20 but a minimum of 9..  After all you gotta save your efforts for your other runs.

Another thing I like to do, which i would highly reccomend, is to "clean" your system.  On recovery days, I like to have a huge breakfast of maybe waffles, omelets, turkey, toast, strawberries, mayonaise, peanut butter, salmon, bacon, cat meat, and gel packs.  To wash this down, i would reccommend drinking a coca-cola classic, but make sure it is not the Brazilian kind that contains cocaine in it otherwise you'll fail random drug tests performed by your parole officer.  Then after this large meal, i like to take eight to ten laxatives.  This is where the fun starts because not only do you get to eat the food you love to eat, but you get to drop weight at the same time.  Double Whammy.  You see, in the running biz, this is how we get to our optimal weight before a big race.  This was a huge strategy employed by my favorite athletes of all time:  Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds, Jesus Manzano, Marion Jones, LaShawn Merritt, and Yohan Blake.  These people defined what it means to be fast, to be strong, to be glorious.

Anyways, after you clear your body of this unwanted waste, you will have to work on your appearance.  No one wants to look like Lindsay Lohan after a 7-month bender in which she has no idea what movies she has been in, how much money is in her bank account, how much toxins she consumed, and what guy or girl she is currently dating.

Well anyways, i would recommend that you tan at least twice a day (if legal) or at a bare minimum once a week.  You don't want to be that runner on the starting line who stands out for miles.  You don't want to hear all of those jokes about being called "Powder" or "Whitey" or "Powder Whitey" or stuff like that.  I mean, runners can be so cruel.  I just want to outrun all of them because they are all jerks, and slow, and dicks and they don't deserve to run.  SLOW JERKS!  All of them.... Err... Anyways, just make sure to go tanning regularly so you can maintain a good tone.

Well that is all i have for today.   Remember, Never Say Never when it comes to purging and tanning on your recovery day.