Well, i have had the best couple weeks of training. I was able to get in 175 miles in the last 14-days at an average clip of 6:10 which includes some recovery runs. While doing it, i was also able to shed about 25 pounds.. To date, i am only 15 pounds over my racing weight which is good because i am hoping to go sub-racing weight by this year's Boston Marathon and for sure by the 2015 Summer Olympics which my friend Iron Mark told me were being hosted in Afghanistan. He also mentioned that i should make sure to book my flight and hotels because they usually sell out three years in advance. So in addition to my running goals, i now have the goal of raising $4,500 to book the trip (which i am pretty sure i will receive back thirty-fold in endorsements and prize money for breaking 2:00:00 in the Olympic Marathon finals). The only trick is to figure out how to raise this money. I am too talented to waste 8 hours of my day at a job to make money, surely there is some type of way in which an ELITE FAST ATHLETE can make cash fast. While I plan on phoning Obama about this one, the second best thing i figure i can do is daily visits to the sperm donation bank. After all, who wouldn't want their children to be as beautiful and as fast and as dashing and as modest and good at heart as myself. I am the dream!
Today starts a new week. Yes, i am aware that others like to go Monday through Sunday or Sunday through Saturday for their 7-day running weeks, but i would like to refer to those people as SLOW in this business. Real men start on a Thursday and end it on a Wednesday and in doing so cram in around 200 miles. While i am still 8 weeks away from my first 200-mile week, i have scheduled only a pedestrian 125-miles for this week which is in line with the 50% rule. As a conservative measure, one should never increase one's weekly mileage by more than 50% from the previous week... Lest one is super fast and awesome like myself and has olympic sperm and blood running through one's body. Yet, i will stay a little cautious this week, i don't want to risk my fat ass getting injured. As embarrassing as it is being 6'2" and 170 pounds (FAT), it could be worse and i could be back in that hospital.
Today's run was a 20 X 1GRRR with 20m KI plus 40m KO followed by 6 X 400s at 95% AG then finally finished with a 6m RECO @ 5:54. In laymen's terms, the workout is going to start off with 20 by 1-mile repetitions at Greater than Really Rapid Running Pace (4:40 average) with 20 metre Kick Ins (Foot to Chest) followed by 40 metre Kick outs (foot to ass) on the 3:00 pace with 1 minute rest between each repetition. Afterwards i am going to run 6 X 400-metre runs at a 95% age-graded pace (49 seconds) with about a minute rest between each one. Finally i am going to finish with a 6-mile recovery run at 5:54 pace (Easy).
overall, the workout went really well. While i was only able to hit about half of the miles at sub-5 pace, i really felt like i dominated the Kick-outs (my ass is bruised). There was a bit of wind on the track whcih i think caused my lungs to over-act and require me to breathe heavier and wheeze a bit. This was most apparent after the fifth mile all the way until the 20th rep. However, i still hit the last one at 4:59.55 so it was good. It was so good in fact that some kid who was running on the track alongside me (until i pushed him out of the way) cheered me on when i left the track and headed on my 6 mile run home. I think his dad liked me too because they honked the horn while following me for a bit and yelled some stuff out. Of course i couldn't hear what they were saying as i was jamming to some "i'm yours (The Remix)" by Justin Bieber featuring Hot chelle rae... It is probably ten times as good as the jason mraz original.
As soon as i got home, i made sure to properly nutrition myself with a healthy mix of mueslix, ten gel packs and porn. After finishing my nutrition process, i was very tired and took a three hour nap just awaking to the sounds of my landlord pounding on my door. I opened the door and he asked me where my rent was. I told him that its at the finish line of my next race and when i win all of that CA$H, i will totally pay him back for this month's rent as well as prepay at least three months worth. He was seemingly not impressed (because he is FAT and SLOW and does not understand anything other than blah!blah!blah! bitch where my money) but he said he would give me another 30-days as that is how long it would take him to find a replacement tenant to "occupy this shit hole! get your shit together, bitch face!" and then he slammed the door.
Shit! Now i need to raise $550 for this month's rent on top of the $4,500 i will need to book my trip for the 2015 Olympics in Afghanistan. Looks like i am going to have to pick up the training and find me some races. In addition, i wanted to avoid this but it looks like i can't. I am going to have to start racing on the Chicago Underground Racing Circuit.... While you can make a quick buck, rumor has it that people get injured and some people even die. You see, all of the races are done underground in the sewers and there are lots of people watching and gambling. As a result, it is very high stakes but the winners get good cash. When you don't trip and fall on the random AIDS-infested objects on the ground, sometimes people in the crowd will throw shit at you too... Or even worse, cut off your arm. If you ever wondered what happened to Alan Webb or Jon Chermak, two of the greatest runners to ever race in high school then look no further.... They were just two victims of being at the wrong prostitute attended high stakes underground mile race at the wrong time.
You call it dangerous.... I call it life!
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