Day 35:

Today's morning run was a very difficult one to endure.  I felt that i was ready for it, but when i went out to the track to do it, i came up very short.  Sometimes, as a fast runner, it can be very difficult to accept failure.  It can be very hard to be like a human, or SLOW person, and admit error.  But i will be forward about it.  Today i decided to test my theory of the two minute mile clip deduction and see if in perfect weather it would hold up on a track.

This morning's workout was set at 4 X 800 on the 3:00 (which gives me a minute rest and prepares my legs for the mile time trial) followed by two one mile time trials (goal time of 3:10) followed by 10 X 800 on the 2:50.  Now to the SLOW person this may seem like a challenging workout but its not tough at all.  I mean if Ryan Hall can do it (minus the 3:10 mile splits because he's a pussy) then it should be a piece of cake for me.  Now, not actually a piece of cake.  I haven't had a carb since 2004.  My body is on a very strict diet which began with gel packs and has since evolved to include Horse Tranquilizers, Whale Semen, Honduran Bananas, Cambodian Goat Milk, Swiss Cocao bean, Orphan blood, Lance Armstrong blood (doping purposes), HGH, Steroids, Snickerdoodle cookies, and 75% whole wheat pasta with lamb ears and turkey gobblers.  But anyways, i digress... back to the workout.

I hit my first 800 on the 1:58.  Thank God!  It was not fast by any means but it meant that i could enjoy a minute rest.  What to do, what to do?  I haven't had a minute rest for a while... I decided that for this first break i would think about all the stuff going on in Lebagypt or Afghanarod or texass... wherever all that turmoil is going on.. It made me sad and stuff because i thought about how war was making those people so sad and how they were starving and how Sally Struthers needed me to donate money.. OH  SHIT!  Time for interval two.... I hit this 800 at 2:25!  How could this be?  It must have been because the air was below 40 degrees. My body only performs at certain temperatures... Like Phil Collins singing about "In the Air Tonight".  Oh well..all that mattered was the two 3:10 mile time trials.. i hit my next two 800s at 2:04 & 2:10, respectively, which means that my father will not want to talk to me on this day.  he always said that he only raises winners and that winning was in our genes.  When i took second in a race while in high school, he would always pretend i was some other person's kid because he was embarrassed about it.  But i can understand where he's coming from though... Its a very good way to raise a child and teach them early on that society only loves people who win.  Everyone else is just a smelly loser...

The first mile time trial of the season... oh boy! I brought in a large time clock just so i could see where i was at for each lap.  The gun went off...(in my head... there was no one else there and i didn't really feel like bringing a gun to a high school track).  I hit the first lap at 50 and was feeling good.  Although it was off of my goal pace of 47 second laps, this was the beginning of the year and this was something to build on.  In the middle of the second lap, i started to have a panic attack orsomething.  I know that the herpes flu is going around so maybe it was that because my legs started to hurt and feel numb as i turned over and my breathing was getting deeper and heavy like Britney Spears at an orgy being hosted by the Old Country Buffet.   I hit lap two at 2:00 exactly.. uh oh, there might not be a sub-4 today.  Which is ok.  Lap three was excruciatingly painful.. i think it might have been the vulcanized rubber of the track.  And what the hell does vulcanized mean?  I remember that Spock was a vulcan in Star Trek so maybe the US government had aliens ship us this rubber so that we could run on it...ooh!  Cramps.... But was it that time of the month... This was painful.. Like Charlie Sheen having to deal with the stress of working on the set of "Two and a half men".. Boom, had to do the joke.  But seriously, i hit the third lap at 3:13.. ouch!  Now the final lap was just odd.  I lost feeling in both feet and was struggling to breathe through my nose as some weird nature concoction of snot, puke, and reeses peanut butter cups seemed to reside there... Each breath felt like it would be the last... ouch!  ouch!  But then i surged.  I started to think about how bad i wanted to finish this run....  I ended up finishing in the SLOW time of 4:21.. ouch!  This was absolutely pathetic... and i couldn't do anything but lay down for an hour... Although the ground was cold, i needed it. 

When i woke up, there was a man with a mustache prodding me with a rake and talking into the radio.  His name was Sam and he was a Virgo..  How did i know he was a virgo, you ask?  Because he is an asshole and i am a leo and i absolutely hate Virgos... With the only exception being hot ladies.  Well he told me that the high school team had to use the track.. I told him about myself, my dream and how much better than high schoolers i was because i was an Olympian!  He then called security who escorted me to my car.  Damn!  I still had six miles of racing to go...

So i decided to run around the parking lot.  I finished my second mile time trial in 4:25, which would have been faster if that high school dork didn't run in my way after i yelled "TRACK" and pushed him into a car.  The 800s sucked too as i averaged 2:07 for the remainder of the workout.  During my 10 mile cooldown i thought about what went wrong.. why was today a failure.  The only answer i could come up with was that i didn't drink a monster low carb energy drink like i usually do... Oh well.. I hope i can hit my 25 miler at the goal pace of 5:10 tomorrow... Otherwise i will get a female reproductive organ tattooed on my legs with the initials "R.H." because that is who i will be if i can't get this training done right.