Well needless to say i let the manager have an earful as that is totally bad customer service to keep your best client waiting until your little gym can open up. Anyways, i will write a letter to the president of Ballys and i will have the last laugh. But onto the workout, As you may be aware, i have what some would call the most perfect and beautiful body in the world. I am not that vain but its just a fact that I look absolutely flawless and every girl in the world wants to be with me. To maintain the body of Adonis, I have a strict set of workouts i do. First, I begin by doing 3,000 ab crunchers on the ab cruncher machine (3 sets X 1,000). On occasion, some people will actually watch me perform these exercises. Usually around 6 PM on a weekday. They will walk up to the machine while i am using it.. they will look at me exercise, then look at the clock then look at me exercise again. i think they must be timing me or something. I don't know why they try, it only takes me 60 minutes to complete this portion of the workout.
The next phase of the workout consists of stretching. I am not saying that stretching works for SLOW people, but for those of us who actually "RUN" it helps make each run that much smoother.. like smooth jazz at Starbucks (my fave). After i am stretched, i take to the weight lifting portion of the workout. Now if you want to get mean and lean, the best thing to do is to lift as much weight as possible. Today was chest day. I went to the bench press and i put two 45-lb weights on each side of the bar. For those of you at home doing the math, that is 222 pounds on the metric scale. I usually do like 20 sets of 1 rep. Because i don't need man boobs. If you want smaller pecs but strong pecs, usually doing sets of 1 rep will help out. I got through 10 sets just fine when on the 11th set the bar just didn't seem to lift up from my chest. I think it was because of the air, it seemed pretty heavy in the gym today. I lifted this weight ten times before, its not like i couldn't do it an eleventh time. Well anyways, after ten minutes i yelled "TRACK" and someone finally came. I told him i got it but the jerk decided to lift the weight off my chest and put it back on the rack. What an asshole, he just wanted to steal my glory. I shared this information with him and he said that he was sorry and that he really liked my shorts. Well, after all of this wasted time on the bench, i decided that i had enough weight lifting for the day.
THE RUN
Today is what i like to call a 5 X 2 X 5 X 9 X 10% X 9 X 2 X 3.5 X 10 X 20% X 2 X 4 X 6 run. It is probably the least complicated run to do but it requires a treadmill. Luckily for me, my treadmill was available. I wanted to start off at an easy pace so i put the treadmill at 11.5 MPH and just leisurely jogged for five minutes. I was feeling good so i turned it up to 12.0 MPH for the next 2 seconds. After that i moved it back down to 11.5 MPH for five more minutes. At this point, i think something was wrong because i was experiencing that upper respiratory problem i had the day before which caused my breathing to go out of control. Lucky for me it was time for phase four of the work out where i set the treadmill to a pedestrian 10.0 MPH and run backwards for 9 minutes.. this was going great until i think some sweat dripped from my compression shorts and fell onto the track which caused me to fall backwards onto the machine. I hit my head on the machine and fell right onto the belt which propelled me into the treadmill behind me. The SLOW runner on there fell off her treadmill and landed into the treadmill behind her which caused that SLOW runner to fall. All in all, the three of us fell from the treadmill because of an act of GOD. I proceeded to get up and continue my workout. The SLOW runners seemed to be taking a break as they were just laying on the ground like a bunch of lazy bums. Haha. i guess that is why they aren't going to the olympics. Well the next phase of the run was to put the treadmill at 12.0 MPH at a 10% grade incline for 9 seconds. After that i switched back down to 9.0 MPH for two minutes. The fall was starting to get to me as i had a huge headache. I decided to just hurry up and finish the run so i put it at 9.3 mph and just ran for 12 more minutes. Overall, i was able to log in 6.33 miles.
When i left the gym i saw that two ambulance vehicles had arrived and some paramedics were heading in. I think its cool that paramedics work out too. I was going to ask them what types of exercises they do but then they would probably be in so much awe of me that it would put them in an awkward position and i don't want to come off as cocky in any way. Well i looked back into the gym and saw that the paramedics were talking to the ladies who also fell off the treadmill... maybe they went to school together. But anyways, i got into my 1996 purple Saturn with green doors and headed home. Now i know its a very common vehicle, but i knew it was mine because MINE has over 30 "26.2" bumper stickers on it. I love those stickers. They speak to the world and let them know that hey, the person in this car runs marathons and is much more important than you.
But i digress. Tonight is gonna be fun as i am meeting some friends at the bar. Now i don't plan on drinking and i'll probably only stay for 30 minutes but going to the bar is the most fun i ever have. My friends seem to understand as they know that i am always training and am FAST. and FAST people don't stay out late (like past 5:45 PM) and socialize with slow people. I think that is how i stay fast. You see, if you talk to slow people for too long, they start to spread their slow germs/disease to you and you'll really notice it in your workouts. I think that is how God made us. Some people suffer from the slow disease while others, like myself, thrive on being fast. well anyways, i am already looking forward to tomorrows workout.
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